is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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