OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
