he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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