Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
