I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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