I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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