i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
