I wish I only lived at night.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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