I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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