you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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