we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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