Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
it glows. i had to have it.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can you bring me the toilet please
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
