I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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