Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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