dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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