it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
