if you like me you must not know who I am
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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