Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
