My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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