I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
