Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
