Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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