Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
