My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
