You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
