I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
