I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
