Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
