She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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