We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
