god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.