i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
