The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.