And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
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No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!