You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
