take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
