I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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