i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
