literally had 100 drinks last night.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
