Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
