youre lurking in front of me
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
