I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
