Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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