Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
