who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
