I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
bring money and cleavage
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
