Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
