she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am spending my child support on dildos
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
