i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
