I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
