haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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