She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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