Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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