The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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