So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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