come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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