just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
