in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
