i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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