It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
