I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she smelled like a LAN party
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize