my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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