You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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