I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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