Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
