I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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