u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize