She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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