She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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