I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
