It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
