Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize